people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
