I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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