; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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