I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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