Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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