Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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