I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
