I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just invented taco cereal.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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