drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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