I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
