So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
