mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
