Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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