just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
