is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
