she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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