did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's blow job season.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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