We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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