I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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