Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize