Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
