he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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