If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
