even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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