you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
