Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
