words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
