today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
