I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
