you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Did I show you my penis last night?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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