remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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