There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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