Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
