Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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