so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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