if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
