At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i came on her dog
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
