apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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