i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
