when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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