We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
