then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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