I'm lost and stupid without you.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
