Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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