ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
