Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize