I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
