I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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