Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
