i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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