guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
