He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
