ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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