And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
