I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
