I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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