i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
