there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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