Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
