I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
