That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize