You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Boobs are out for the taking
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
