Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
