Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
