I wish I could teleport
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
