yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
