dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
